Chapter Fourteen -Gunn's Last Stand!!!

"AT LAST," THE EMPRESS CLEOPATRONICA PURRED triumphantly, "I have won!"  She stood proudly over the fallen body of Mister Gunn.  "Nothing stands now between my armies and the Earth!  We shall crush the skulls of the infidel humans beneath our go-go boots, drink the blood ... what?  What do you want?"

"Beg pardon, my Lady," said the android Murdock, tugging on the filmy fabric of the barely-there dress of the Empress, "but we have an urgent problem."  He gestured towards Doctor Warlock, who was hovering over the main robo-viewscreen of the Planetary Disintegration Ray.

"Excuse me?" the Empress asked haughtily.  "You dare to interrupt my triumph?  Don't you see the triumph coursing through my veins?  Don't you see the triumph blazing in my pretty eyes?"

"I, uh, see the triumph practically bursting out of you, my Lady," the android Murdock said, glancing down at the gentle, heaving bosom of the Empress for just a millisecond, "but there's two small matters to consider.  One, the blast from our Planetary Disintegration Ray, well, totally missed the Soviet spaceship."

"What?  Impossible."  The Empress strode over to Doctor Warlock's robo-viewscreen, the android Murdock hovering over her shoulder.  "And the other matter is ..?"

"It's called payback," Doctor Warlock said wearily.  He pointed at the screen, which showed a veritable calvacade of missiles cheerfully hurtling towards Mars.  "Forty-six atomic laser missiles, all headed right for us."

"Nah.  Forty-seven, to be exact," said a heroic voice from the floor.

Doctor Warlock stared intently at the robo-viewscreen.  "Are you sure?" he asked dubiously.  "Because from what I can see, it only looks like forty-six ..."

An American haymaker to the jaw silenced Doctor Warlock.

An American uppercut to the ribs, followed by a Star-Spangled shiner to the face, knocked the android Murdock out cold before he had time to blink.

"Ow," said Mister Gunn, holding his right fist in pain.  "Lousy metal androids.  Who woulda thought that their skin would be so tough?"  He shook his head and started to chuckle.  "Heh.  'Look behind you,' ... then pow, right in the kisser.  That's really, really clever.  I'll have to remember that one."

Eyes widening in fear, the Empress Cleopatronica started to run for the stairs.  She stopped when Mister Gunn pulled his .45 out of his jacket.

"No way, sister," said Mister Gunn.  "You're staying right here."

"We'll die if we stay here," snapped the Empress.  She pointed at the screen.  "Those missiles will destroy us all!"

"Maybe," said Mister Gunn.  "But maybe that's the price of freedom."

The Empress Cleopatronica started to lower her practically nonexistent dress, giving Mister Gunn a good gander at all sorts of android assets.  "Are you sure," she said suggestively, "there isn't some way that I could change your mind?"

"Well," said Mister Gunn, raising an eyebrow, "maybe."  He took the Empress in his arms and gave her a long, passionate kiss that practically blew her vacuum tubes.  Surprised and filled with crazed lust, the Empress started to lower her dress even more ... and found herself being coldly dropped on the floor by Mister Gunn.

"Ah, forget it, candy cheeks," said Mister Gunn.  "It would've never worked.  We could've been something special, you know?"  Mister Gunn paused to light a Lucky Strike.  "We could've been two of a kind, lovers intertwines, like peaches and cream, or Romeo and Juliet, or Smith and Wesson.  But we're from two worlds, you see.  You're from Neptune, I'm from Earth.  You're an android, I'm human.  You're beautiful, I'm ... well, pardon my French, but I'm even more beautiful, although in a tough, macho, heterosexual sort of way."

"Bastard," snapped the Empress.  She slapped Mister Gunn in the face.

"Baby," said Mister Gunn, rubbing his cheek, "I'll wear that like a badge of honor."

"So what are you going to do, hero?" asked the Empress.  "Let the missiles kill us all?"

"Nope."  Mister Gunn reached for the console of the Planetary Disintegration Ray and pressed the button labeled MASSIVE SELF-DESTRUCT COUNTDOWN.  "I'll destroy your base myself."

The Empress Cleopatronica was, well, stunned.

"You fool!"  she screamed.  "That device only has a ten-second timer!  We don't have time to escape!  We don't even have time to run down the stairs!"

"No?  Um ... well, never mind, uh ... ah-hah!  Of course!" shouted Mister Gunn.  "Mister Gunn always has an escape plan!"  With a mighty flourish, Mister Gunn leaped over the railing of the main platform of the Planetary Disintegration Ray, disappearing from sight.

The Empress leaned over the railing.  "Idiot," she snapped, "it's over two hundred feet to the ground!"

"Whoops," said Mister Gunn.  "Might've been nice if you mentioned that before, cutie pie."

Still smoking his cigarette, Mister Gunn hurtled towards a meeting with the concrete floor and with certain death, as forty-six (not forty-seven) laser missiles thundered towards the base of the Android Princess Warriors from Neptune, and as an atomic Massive Self-Destruct device clicked steadily towards oblivion .  .  .

To Be Concluded in Episode XV: Happiness is a Warm Gunn

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