
#57
Awaiting Death
By J. Vandersteen
About the author
Use up all your drugs - And make me come
Yesterday man - I was a nihilist and
Now today I’m - Just too fucking bored
By the time I’m old enough - I won’t know anything at all
- Marilyn Manson, "I Want To Disappear"
JOSEPH WEINBERG SMILED when he walked to
his room. He'd just won three cigars in a poker game with Bart
and Max. Sometimes life in a nursing home wasn't that bad.
Especially if that cute blonde nurse was on the nightshift again.
Hell, he was happy to be alive, after all the things he had seen
when he was young. But no, he didn't want to think about
that.
When he had his hand around the doorknob
he suddenly got a funny feeling in his stomach. A feeling like he
knew somebody was in his room. He shook his head. He was getting
paranoid in his old age. Hey, maybe it was that cute nurse
dressed in some sexy lingerie thing, like he'd seen on that
Melrose Place show last night. He laughed. Yeah, he might be an
old man with false teeth and arthritis, but his hormones were
still working. He turned the doorknob and went inside.
His room was sparsely furnished. There
were two chairs, a bed and a salon table with an old radio on top
of it. And there were paintings. Lots of them. He liked
paintings. They reminded him of his late wife, who was an artist
herself. God, she was great. He wouldn't have traded her for
anything in the world, not even that cute--
There it was again. The feeling someone
was in his room. He looked around his room. Nothing. Then he
started to have trouble breathing. He started to cough. He walked
to the window, trying to open it, but it was stuck. He knew what
was happening. He had seen it happen before. He had seen it
happen to his parents.
Wrestling with the window he heard the
sound of boots clacking against the floor behind him. He turned
around and looked at what at first sight seemed to be an alien,
coming from the mist, that was in reality toxic gas. As he looked
closer he saw the strange eyes weren't that of an alien. No,
they were the dark lenses of a gas mask. The alien was a man in a
dark uniform. The uniformed man started to laugh, but the mask
muffled the sound, distorting it in a strange and creepy hiss.
The uniformed man was the last thing
Joseph saw, just like it had been the last thing his parents had
seen.
*** I'd never liked nursing homes. All
these people just sitting there waiting to die made me feel
uncomfortable. Not that death itself made me feel that way. After
all, I had seen plenty of dead people in my life, but the slow,
drawn out way death claimed these men, that scared me. If I die,
I know it will be being slashed in half by a serial killer, or
choking in my own vomit after having too much to drink. The idea
of dying alone in my bed, after my body has simply stopped
functioning... upsets me.
I owed my Uncle Max this visit though.
The old coot had been the only adult who really cared for me as a
kid. He stood up for me when my dad, may he rot in hell, beat me
up. He poured me my first drink. He told me about the birds and
the bees. He bought me my first nudie mag. Uncle Max was one
good-hearted sonofabitch, and if he needed to see me, I was going
to visit him, even if I didn't like nursing homes.
The walls were white. Just like a
morgue's. The smell of antiseptic filled the air. People
dressed in white clothing, just like butchers, scuttled across
the halls. There were so many doors, the place reminded me of a
honey rate. How was I going to find Max in this place? Then I
noticed a cute looking blonde nurse.
"Hi," I said to her. "My
name's Harvey Banks. I'm looking for my uncle, Max
Banks."
She smiled. "Hi, I'm Heidi.
Don't worry, I can take you to him. Quite frankly, I think
every nurse younger than 30 knows where his room is. Your uncle
is a naughty old man," she said and smiled. It was a lovely
smile. Maybe nursing homes weren't so bad after all. And
from what I was hearing now, Max enjoyed it here too, that horny
old motherfucker.
*** Uncle Max had gotten older, but he still
looked the same to me. He still had those mischievous eyes, that
charming smile and those ridiculously big ears. He rose up from
his chair as soon as I came in. "Harvey! Good to see you,
kid!"
I shook his hand. He still had a firm
grip. I glanced behind me, to thank the nurse for taking me to
him, but she was already gone.
"Cute little thing, isn't she,
old boy?" Max asked me.
"Down, dirty old dog," I said
smiling. Then I took my hip flask of Scotch from my pocket and
handed it to him. "I brought you a little gift."
Max gave me a grateful look.
"Thanks, kid. You always knew how to make me happy. But
please, sit down and pour yourself a drink too."
I sat down with a glass of Jack D. and
decided to get to the point immediately. "Listen, Uncle,
it's great seeing you again, and it's been too long
really, but... Why did you ask me to visit you all of a
sudden?"
"Christ, you don't beat around
the bush, do you? Well, you never were a very patient child, were
you now Harvey? All right. I'll tell you. You see, people
are dying in here."
"That's not very surprising in
a nursing home, now is it, Uncle?"
"Don't get smart with me, boy.
These deaths... they're not natural. The people dying are
still spry old folks. They die too suddenly. And too many of them
have died in too short a period. Something unnatural is going
on."
"What do you mean? How did they
die?"
"Two weeks ago someone died of a
punctured lung. A week ago someone died of a broken neck.
Yesterday someone suffocated. But the strangest thing of all is,
there is no reason to be found why these deaths happened. They
didn't fall down the stairs, had no prior complaints that
could explain the things that happened to them. It's weird
old shit, Harvey. And I know what you do, Harvey. You know about
weird shit. You got to find out what's happening here before
your old Uncle Max kicks the bucket too."
"Sorry, Uncle, but I'm not sure
if there's anything I can do."
"Stay here for the night, Harvey.
Stay here, see what happens. It'll make me feel safer."
I nodded. "All right. If you want
me to do that I will. I owe you that much at least for all the
stuff you did for me. Now get that glass of yours over here so I
can refill it."
*** Uncle Max was snoring like a bear. The
chair in which I was sleeping felt like an instrument of torture,
but the whiskey made me fall asleep anyway. I had a nightmare
about me, at the age of 80, staying in this nursing home. I was
looking like a skeleton, sick, old, incontinent. But the worst
part of it was that I was surrounded by good-looking nurses, but
couldn't get it up anymore.
A scream startled me awake. As I sat
upright in my chair I was looking against the back of a uniformed
man. He was standing at Uncle Max's bed. In his hands he was
holding a rifle with a bayonet attached to it. I saw him lift it
above his head, ready to thrust it into the old man's heart.
Max had his mouth wide open, but he couldn't find the
strength to scream anymore. I could.
"Leave him alone, you son of a
bitch!" I shouted and got up from my chair. I grabbed it and
slung it at the Uniformed Man. With a loud crack the chair broke
on his back. It didn't seem to hurt him, but at least it got
his attention. The man turned around and looked me right in the
eye. He was wearing an old-fashioned gas mask and a steel-gray
helmet. Amazed, I saw the twin-S signs on it. This guy was dressed
like a fucking Nazi!
Making good use of my initial surprise, he
smacked me in the jaw with the butt of his gun. I staggered
backwards, while he ran to the window. Regaining my footing, I
started to run after him. Then, I swear to god, he just jumped
right through it without breaking the damn glass! I opened the
window, looking outside, searching for him. He was nowhere to be
found.
*** It took us two glasses of whiskey to get
over the initial shock. "I don't get it," Uncle
Max stammered. "How did he get through that window without
breaking it? Did you just save me from getting impaled by a damn
ghost?"
"I'm not sure what it
was," I answered him. "I do know, however, that it needs
to be stopped. It's coming back, I'm sure of it. The
thing that puzzles me, though, is why it was dressed like a
Nazi."
"It's ironic, that's for
sure," Max said.
"Ironic?"
"Yeah, ironic. I mean, this place
is largely reserved for war veterans and victims of concentration
camps. It's partly funded by the German government, to make
up for all the shit in the war."
An idea started to grow in my head.
"You were in the war too, weren't you, Uncle?" I
asked.
"Sure as hell was, kid. I was a
fly-boy. Had me some good dogfights, too."
"The other ones, have they fought
the Nazis too?"
"No, but two of them were Jewish.
Survived Auschwitz, they did. I tell you, the things those two
had to go through..."
"And the other one? He wasn't
Jewish?"
"No, old Jeremiah was black."
"Shit," I said. "I think
I know what's going on here. I can't really explain it,
but I think I know. Listen, Uncle. I need you to gather everyone
who could be targeted by a Nazi. By that I mean Jews, war
veterans, communists, blacks, the handicapped. Everyone who could
have perished in a concentration camp during the war. Every man
or woman who the Nazis would have killed during the war.
Take them all to the recreation room."
*** I'd never seen so many old people
in one room. Some of them were sitting in wheel-chairs; some had
no teeth; a very annoying geezer couldn't stop coughing.
Jesus, maybe if I started to smoke 3 packs of Luckies I could die
before I was old. Fuck, who the hell was I kidding? With the life
I lead I'm lucky if I make it to my pension. A shrink would
probably say my fear of becoming an old demented wreck is the
reason I always walk into the path of danger. Of course, I know
it's really just because I'm a thickheaded, stupid
shithead.
"Hello, folks," I addressed the
Geezer Brigade. "You're probably wondering why Max
asked you all to come in here. Well, it's not to play
shuffleboard, I'm afraid. You're here to defeat an evil
spirit." They looked at me like I was the one who was
demented. "I know it's a little hard to swallow, even
harder than those pills they feed you, but it's the
truth," I told them. "You all know about the people who
died here the last couple of weeks; well, I know what killed them.
You did."
Of course, now they really thought I was nuts.
"You see, all the fear and nightmares you carried with you
when you came to live here, has taken a tangible form. By psychic
projection you created a phantom stormtrooper, an ectoplasmic
Nazi. Now, since you were able to create the thing, you should be
able to destroy it too. The only thing you have to do is conquer
your fears."
"That's quite a story, young
man," a geezer with a squeaking hearing-aid spoke up.
"But it explains why you gathered the people here that you
did. We are not only the ones who created this thing, but also
the possible victims, right? Jews, blacks, the handicapped."
"Wait a minute," an old lady
said. "Didn't the Nazis go after the homosexuals
as well?"
"Oh god," the man with the
hearing-aid said. "They did. And nurse Heid has a
girlfriend!"
I was out the door before he finished
the sentence.
*** Nurse Heidi was walking across the hall,
shoving a little cart filled with food before her. When she
turned around the corner she suddenly bumped into someone.
"I'm sorry, sir," she apologized. Then she saw who
she bumped into. And started to scream.
I bounded into the hall hacking and
coughing (three packs a day can do that to a guy). "Heidi,
run!" I yelled. But she was too afraid, too shocked to move.
She just stood there, staring at the man in the SS-uniform. This
time, he had a vicious dog with him, too. The phantom raised his
rifle, ready to use his bayonet, like he'd tried to do last
night. When I arrived, I knocked the cart into him, keeping him
away from Heidi for a moment. I grabbed Heidi by the arm,
dragging her further away from the phantom. "We have to
run," I said, "NOW!" This time, she listened. We
ran through the halls, while I heard the Nazi push the cart away
from him. The sound of his boots resonated through the halls,
loudly, menacingly, while his dog barked at us.
*** "What's going on here?"
Heidi asked me, when we reached the recreation room. "No
time to explain," I said, starting to push one of the tables in
the room against the door. "Somebody help me!" Two
surprisingly old geezers did. I doubted the table would stop our
stalker though. No, physical force was not the thing that was
needed here. I needed these people's willpower.
I could hear the vicious
attackdog's paws scratching at the door, barking and
growling, while the butt of the Phantom Nazi's gun kept
banging against it. "Aufmachen! Aufmachen!" he shouted
at us in a horribly distorted voice.
"No!" an old lady screamed.
"It's just like on the 4th of May, when they
came! Oh god, no, mommy, don't let them get me again!"
That did it. That gave the phantom just enough power to ram open
the door. The table was pushed aside, as our ectoplasmic enemy
entered the room, preceded by his dog.
Panic was the result of his entrance.
People started screaming, crying and yelling. "The dog!
It's the one I saw rip apart those poor escaped Jews!
It's going to rip us apart now!" a man yelled.
"To hell with that mutt!" I
shouted, beside myself with anger, as I kicked the beast in its
guts. It howled, and rolled on its back. The Nazi answered my
attack with a blow from his gun's butt. I fell down on the
cold, tiled floor. "Zerreische ihm!" the phantom
ordered its dog. The animal was on top of me in mere seconds. I
could feel its warm breath on my face, see its large teeth come
closer. Shit, for a phantom it seemed pretty damn real. Real
enough to rip me apart!
"Let him go!" an old man
shouted, and used his crutches to batter the dog. It helped; the
dog let me go and now turned its attention to the old guy. It
jumped him and ripped open his throat before any of us could do
anything to help the poor sap.
"They can't hurt you if you
don't let them!" I shouted at the people.
"You've seen what they react to! They feed on your
haunted memories; realize that and you can stop them. You have to
use your willpower to wish them away! Overcome your fears and
overcome these monsters!" The Nazi now raised his gun,
aiming it at me. "His bullets won't hurt me if you
don't allow it!"
"He's right!" Uncle Max
said. "We've lived long enough with our fears. The
war's over. It has been for years. It's time to move
on. The Nazis are gone, so this guy has no place here. He
can fuck off to the hell that spawned him!"
The phantom pulled the trigger. There
was a loud bang, a flash of muzzle fire as I braced for the
impact of the bullet. It didn't come.
Surprised, the phantom checked its
rifle. Then the old folks started to surrounded it and its dog,
Max leading them. "This is it, people, we do what we did
fifty years ago. We take our freedom back!" All of them
yelled loud and clear "FREEDOM!" as they started to
close in on the Nazi. They kept repeating the word with every
step they took. Every time they uttered the word, the phantoms
faded more and more. Then there was a loud howl by the dog as it
disappeared. It was followed by an even louder "NEIN!"
as the Phantom Nazi faded away as well.
Slowly I got to my feet. I had to admit,
I was pretty impressed by these folks. For a bunch of relics
they did damn good. The phantoms were gone now, the only reminder
of their existence the dead body of the guy with the crutches,
his throat ripped apart by the phantom dog.
"I just do not believe what
happened here," Heidi uttered. Max smiled, putting an arm
around her. "Even I don't believe it, nurse, and
I've been around a while. But it seems we finally laid our
ghosts to rest."
I took a cigarette from my pack and put
it between my lips. As I took my lighter, a soft hand grabbed
mine. "Sorry, sir," Heidi said. "No smoking in
here."
I shook my head. I just saved her cute
lesbian ass and now she was giving me grief about me smoking. Now
I knew for sure I wanted to die before I got old.
Awaiting Death and the character of Harvey Banks is copyright 1998 by J. Vandersteen. It may not be copied or used for any commercial purpose except for short excerpts used for reviews. (Obviously, you can copy it or print it out if you want to read it!)